Time optimism

Time Optimism, the client and the coach

Is being late for an important date a regular part of your life?

Or, is making sure you’re not late a constant source of pressure in your life?

No such thing as on time

There is a military axiom that “you cannot be on time, only early or late – so be early”. The clock never stops moving, so there is no such thing as a moment in time. This then creates the “always five minutes before” tactic used by many on-command roles. The major issue is that if everyone in the chain of command adds five minutes, the actual troops end up spending inordinate amounts of time waiting. This generates the “hurry up and wait” observation that is in fact an unsubtle dig at the leadership.

Oh, what a rabbit hole that was about to become…

Back to us in the here and now.

So, early or late – which are you?

Early or late – does it matter?

Well, it will… To you.

There are a few manifestations here across the two dimensions of caring/not and early/late. Putting down the early or late dimension for a minute, let’s take a look at the caring or not piece of the puzzle.

Firstly, it is important to state: that it is possible to not care about being late. This genuine lack of interest in timeliness is rare in our culture, but it can be found. It’s neither impossible nor unnatural. This state seems to incorporate a very relaxed attitude across much of life in general. I say “seems” as this is not my reality – I’m very conditioned to timeliness.

What does it take to not care, to let go, and is it of any use?

Hanging onto some things so tightly that we develop a distress response/state is a fabulous definition of an unhealthy relationship.

Is caring unhealthy?

No

Caring underpins much that is light in the world. It drives the majority of healthcare workers to go the extra mile to save and improve lives.

What can be unhealthy is how we relate to it. What behaviours manifest as a result of caring? Relating to anything too tightly can create internal distress when things “are not right”. Sadly, this can then manifest as controlling, authoritarian and aggressive behaviours.

In a leadership workshop recently, it became apparent that one of the “toxic leaders” being described without being named was actually someone I knew to be deeply caring. This deep caring leads to behaviours of attempting to manage every standard of work, every measurable as a red line. Such an environment is toxic simply as life is so complex, it’s almost impossible to meet every standard.

This – as another aside – is at the core of the value of simplicity. The simpler something is, the more likely it can be achieved when compared to the more complex version of itself.

So, caring is healthy, relating to it too tightly, not so much.

So what?

How light to hold and coach success

This relating to caring is not a dichotomy. It is totally possible to care too much or too little. There’s a spectrum of relating, and as usual, I am suggesting that we not only navigate away from the extremes, but also that exactly where on the spectrum we are in any given moment should be informed by a dynamic and mindful approach.

This is coachable.

My preferred method for coaching follows three steps – values-based awareness (the why), followed by recognising the value of mindful action (the how) with scenario-based exploration of practice creating some applicable experience (combining the why with the how).

In the next blog, I will be examining how holding on too tightly can compromise our well-being, using concepts such as meaning-making, moral injury and ikigai.